Dispatches from the Diss, Part 4

Just a few moments ago, I sent my advisor my first full chapter draft (along w/ a message containing several concerns that I have about it haha). Remember how I was talking about my ever-changing deadline before? Well, this last go-’round, I set it for the end of Fall Break, and I actually made it this time. Huzzah! I know that there’s still a long road ahead with this, but I’m glad to have gotten past one particular hurdle, and I’m (almost) ready to start tackling the next one.

In other news, it’s approximately the middle of the semester. My students had midterms/essays due last week, which means I have a nice chunk of grading on my desk. Part of why I really wanted to get this draft done is so I can focus on that. I hate feeling like I’m shortchanging students, and I always want to try to get work back to them as soon as possible, especially if they have more things to turn in.

(Because what’s the point of feedback if a person doesn’t have it in enough time to actually use it?)

This balancing act is tricky, but I think my already embedded practice of scheduling my life in grad school helps. Back when I taught middle school, there were definitely times where I let the prep and grading bowl me over. There are so many ways in which, even with a degree in English Ed, I wasn’t ready yet. I was exhausted on the daily and not making the progress I wanted/needed to make. I’m better equipped now, thankfully. I just wish I could go back in time and help out 24 year old Jacinta.

(Though that’d likely throw off the time-space continuum, which is probably not a good idea)

A picture of the doctor from Back to the Future



Dispatches from the Diss Trenches, Part 3

It’s been almost two months since my last update, which was not at all intentional. But life and politics and school starting and the diss…

You get the picture.

At any rate, as mentioned previously, I spent most of the summer doing research for my first dissertation chapter. Last month, I dug in and started writing (I’d been writing informally while doing research, but now I’m into the more structured stuff). It’s been going well…ish? I posted this on a writing group I’m in a couple weeks ago:

Post about the arbitrariness of dissertation deadlines

Shout out to dissertation humor.

This is only slightly written for comic effect. My initial (HIGHLY ASPIRATIONAL) goal when I began working on the diss in May was to have a chapter draft done by the end of July, then it became beginning of August, then end of August, then end of September, and it’s currently mid-October.

And the thing about it is that I am working. I’ve been writing pretty consistently every week. I have hella pages, but this chapter needs more content (and yeah, this is before revision, which I’m very much trying not to think about right now, thank you very much). I have a good sense of the things I want to say, but what I’ve come to realize is that writing all those words down takes much more time than I’d initially planned for.

I made a timeline for the whole project when I started to give myself some structure because there isn’t really much when you get to the dissertation except “get out before they take your money” haha. And I’ve had to reconfigure that schedule some during this first chapter process. When I look at it, I can see my inner overachiever wreaking havoc. Last semester, somebody on my committee told me ahead in the process. I don’t think I *technically* am, but I do have a tendency to push myself (mostly within reason) to get things done. I’m trying to get myself to a place where I can go on the job market next fall, which should still be reasonable with the timeline I’ve laid out for myself, but even knowing that, I still have a bit of inner turmoil every time I push it back.

That being said, I’m getting better at it (*I think*).

P.S. Everybody responsible for dissertation formatting needs to look at their lives and their choices because these fights y’all are making me have with Word are not cute.


Dissertation Progress Report #2 (and more)

It’s been a little bit over a month since my last update, and where am I now?

Well, I’m inching closer to being able to have a full first draft of Chapter One, but I’m not there yet. When I first charted out my schedule for the summer a few months ago, I’d hoped to have the draft done by August 1st. I realized about halfway through the summer that that probably wouldn’t happen, so I’ve recaliberated the schedule accordingly. On one hand, I’m a little bit annoyed about not having met the goal I set, but on the other, I’m not really trying to dwell on that. I just want to keep it moving. I do think I’ll have a draft in a few weeks, which will dovetail into the beginning of the school year (more on that momentarily).

Remember how I was researching Beauty and the Beast(s) before? Now I’m on Battlestar Galactica(s). I’d never watched them previously (I know, I know), but I’m a big ol’ nerd (I think I’m actually becoming more nerdy as I get older haha), so this is right in my wheelhouse.

Incidentally, now that folks know I’m working on remakes, I get tags from friends every time there’s new articles about them (#MyBrand). Shout out to y’all for helping with my research!

(I’m not adding anymore shows than what I already have allotted though. Because if I did, at the rate remakes are being churned out, I’d never finish.)

As the semester looms closer, I’ve been thinking more about how I’ll try to stay productive at this stage. I’m completely done with course work, and I’m past all of the various checkboxes except the dissertation itself. There are things that I’ve been doing for years now, such as scheduling everything on my Google Calendar, that I think will continue to be helpful going forward. And I’ve been setting goals for daily writing that I’ve been able to meet fairly well. But I also wanted to see if adding something else into the mix would be helpful. So I got a Passion Planner. It’s been years since I’ve had a real planner, but I used them all throughout high school and undergrad. Though I do rely heavily on GCal, I think that using both will both help to remind of what’s coming up as well as force me to be intentional in thinking about and planning for the tasks that are ahead. I looked at a lot of different planners before I made my purchase, but I really like how the Passion Planner encourages you to identify goals, break them up into smaller tasks, and embed those tasks into your schedule.

Speaking of schedules, I found out I’m teaching Intro to Film this fall. At my university, the way this works is there’s a prof who does the lecture two days a week, and the grad students teach discussion sections one day a week. I’ve taught this class before, and I’m looking forward to doing it again with some definite tweaks to what I did previously. It’s a little bit wild to think about since it hasn’t been that long since I last taught the class, but I know my pedagogical beliefs and goals have changed significantly since then. I do find it a bit strange to teach this way though because I’ve almost always been the Instructor of Record. One perk with this arrangement is that I have to do a lot less planning, and I grade less often, which should be a good thing as I continue to work on the dissertation. But when I do have to grade, it’s a lot more papers because we’re given more students in this arrangement, and I never feel like I have enough time with the students since I only get them once a week. Tradeoffs. Nevertheless, it’s a film class, and there are few things I enjoy more than being able to talk to students about film, TV, and pop culture, so it should be a good time 🙂

Dissertation Progress Report #1

It’s officially been a month since I started working on my dissertation, and things are chugging along about as well as could be expected. I’ve had to tweak my research schedule a few times as I try to sort out the best times in which I can be productive, and luckily, I’ve been able to manage that without getting majorly burned out (so far).

One thing I changed was the expectation to write for a couple hours each day. I’m still writing on each day that I’m doing research, but I’ve found that the writing I’m doing right now generally comes pouring out in 15-30 minute bursts. I’m not editing any of the writing right now, which is saving me all sorts of stress I’m sure (haha), and only a portion of it will likely be useful in the actual chapter. But I’ve got almost 7000 words thus far, and I feel like I’m setting myself up for a pretty good starting place when I switch to just writing in a few weeks.

Last week, I had my first major breakthrough(?) moment in the process. I was just writing the same way I had been for weeks when an idea poured out of me that I hadn’t considered previously. I’ve been thinking about that idea for days now, and it makes so much sense to me, but I’m not sure I would have necessarily thought of it if I hadn’t been writing so freely. But now I think it’s going to be a significant element of my first chapter. It actually kinda excited me, which is a thing that I’m hoping happens more often in this writing process.

Remember how I was watching the 1980s Beauty and the Beast when I last posted? Well, now I’m watching this:

Beauty and the Beast 2012 image

The CW brand is strong in this one.

You might notice that the “Beast” looks less…well…beast-y. This one of many changes that occurs in the remake that produces interesting results. Unlike most of the other shows I’m writing about, I’d never watched either of these before, so while I knew they were in the vein of what I wanted to consider, I didn’t know where they would take me. But so far? So good.

Dissertation Baby Steps

Thus far, I’ve primarily used this space for writing about my teaching, and while that’s likely to remain the overall focus, the semester ended a few weeks ago. I’m not currently teaching. Rather than let the blog languish for the summer (which is a sure recipe for forgetting about it entirely haha), I’m instead going to try to write at least a few blog posts about what I’m working on this summer, which is, of course, the dissertation.

Corey Matthews, running and screaming, as he was often prone to doing.

Boy Meets World is a gift.

My prospectus for my dissertation was actually approved just before Spring Break, but I knew myself well enough to know that diving into the project at the end of the semester was probably not the best life choice. So I waited until I was done with all of the end of semester tasks as well as done with an institute that I worked for after the semester was over.

And now, here I am. I started working at the beginning of this week. I’d spent a lot of time prior to this week reading through various blogs, books, and social media posts that provide guidance on the dissertation process. I’ve never been a scout, but I’m nothing if not one who attempts to be prepared. As is always the case, some of the advice is in conflict, not only with my personal style, but also with other existing advice. But I’m often still willing to give things a shot, such as when I spent the first part of this year getting up earlier, so that I could get into writing, more or less as the first thing in my day (I maintained this for a while, and the logic of it is very clear, but I don’t think I’m well-suited to sustain it).

So here are the main things I’ve been doing thus far:

  • I made a general timeline for how long it’ll take me to complete the dissertation, broken down by how long I intend to spend on each section. Once I started doing this, I realized that it’s more complicated than I had expected, but I tried to account for as much as I could, and I made sure there was plenty of leeway time for when I presumably get burned out and for revisions and such. My goal is to finish before (*DJ Khaled voice*) THEY stop giving me money, so ya know, planning ahead is important.
  • I made a schedule for the summer with planned viewing/writing/research times. This is something that I’ve been doing for a couple of years now, but I think it’s even more crucial this summer, so that I actually stay on task.
  • I’ve been starting each day before I begin work with a short freewrite on my plans for the day, how I’m progressing, how I’m feeling, etc. I believe this was a tip I picked up from Joan Bolker’s Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day. So far, I like this because it makes me pause and think, and I also return and add more after I’m finished for the day because, ya know, reflection is useful.
  • I’ve been “writing the dissertation” every day. For approximately 30 mins-1 hour. With no editing or revision, and with minimal sense of organization. I know that a lot of what I’m writing right now will probably not be usable in the final chapter draft (or even the first real draft), but it’s been useful to get things written down.

I’ve already tweaked some of the details a few times this week. For example, I modified the time I allotted to writing once I got a sense of how that was working for me after a few days. I made changes to some of the questions I was trying to answer in my research when I realized that some of them are unanswerable at this point in the process. I believe in flexibility, especially in a process like this. If something’s not working for you, and it’s something you can reasonably change, then I say, “change it.”

So that’s the gist of where I am right now. Mostly (extremely cautiously) optimistic. Ultimately, I’m getting to research and write about a topic that I really enjoy, which is pretty awesome.

(The topic is TV remakes)

(No, I did not watch that Dirty Dancing remake because I’m not *that* much of a glutton for punishment)

Image is a picture of Linda Hamilton & Ron Pearlman from the 1987 version of Beauty and the Beast

Though I’m currently spending a lot of time watching this, so I’m not quite sure if you should trust my judgment 🙂

Another Ending (…almost)

Today was the last official class meeting for the documentary class I’ve been teaching this semester. My students have a final paper and project due within the coming days, but beyond that, we’re pretty much done. In recent semesters, I’ve always tried to find interesting ways to wrap up the semester, and this time, I went with what I called the Takeaway Tweet. Essentially, I asked the students to write on blank slips of paper one idea/concept/skill/etc that they’d be taking away from the class. And they had to do so in 140 characters or less. This, of course, is building off of other assignments I’ve seen online in which educators ask students to make headlines or bumper stickers on the last day except I wanted to make it ~millennial~.

(shout out to all of my fellow 80s/90s kids)

But seriously, end of semester evaluations are what they are, and while I do find them somewhat useful (depending on the specific evaluation), I also find that the ways that they’re structured often don’t give me the information I need. But this particular task not only allows students to reflect on their experiences in the class but also allows me to see if what I was attempting to convey actually made its way through.

Anyways, here’s what they’re taking away (p.s. I did not actually count their characters so don’t @ me 😛 :

  • “I will pay more attention to the small choices made (lighting, sound) in the films that I watch”
  • “Don’t do crime #youaintslick” (I will relevantly point out here that the class’ theme was Crime, Power, and Justice haha)
  • “Systematic injustices occur across the country. Despite the media coverage, these instances are not isolated”
  • “The main thing I took away from this class is that there sometimes is no such thing as the real truth, or at least sometimes it’s impossible to know what is and isn’t true”
  • “Truth is subjective and all people deserve justice”
  • “Things are not always what they seem & truth is a construct that can be bent & shaped in many different ways”
  • “I have a more profound understanding of the power of media in society”
  • “The directory decides their truth in documentary film #stress #fun”
  • “U.S. Film & Documentary opened my eyes to who has power within society and how they use that power #Corruption #GetOutofTheNorms”
  • “In this class, I watched a lot of interesting documentaries that were very thought provoking, and my analysis skills also improved”
  • “Always question the presentation of “truth” and “fact” “
  • “Documentary film is not always the truth. Consider who has power and why”
  • “I learned about how hard it is to make a documentary. I’ve learned to respect the process”
  • “I enjoyed watching documentaries in this class. Many documentaries are thought-provoking and mind-blowing. I’m glad that I learned these events/social issues.”
  • “Truth is subjective. Documentaries bias. Always consider the author’s intention.”
  • “Power and justice are generally relegated to the “haves” of society while the “have nots” live without it”
  • “I learned that the world is unfair”

Me after reading these:


Fat Joe & Remy Ma’s “All the Way Up” is a good representation of my feelings in this moment. (I still don’t know what a French Montana is though)

I think this final day activity is a keeper ✌🏾

Embracing the Challenge

Recently, there’s been a lot of conversation about how to navigate difficult subject matter in the classroom. Sometimes this has to do with helping students cope with the reverberations of trauma and/or horrifying world events, and other times it might have to do with engaging with “controversial” subject matter. This particular school year has seemed especially inundated with moments (on a local, national, and global level) in which I’ve felt like I HAVE to talk about what’s going on in class (and if we aren’t meeting that day/week, then via email). This is partially because I want my students to always see connections between what we’re doing in class, but also because I want to (as best I can) provide them with tools to make sense of what’s going on and to survive. To thrive even.

Last year (in its entirety) is basically responsible for the documentary class I’m teaching this semester being thematically focused on crime, justice, and power. We started with The Thin Blue Line (as one does) and have subsequently watched a variety of docs that cover a wide range perspectives and issues related to the theme. Such a focus presents numerous potential challenges, and as I was crafting the syllabus, I often thought about what types of discussions the individual documentaries might elicit, what types of pushback might come up, etc.

In most cases, I’m up for a challenge, but one subject that sometimes gives me pause is the discussion of sexual violence. There are so many reasons why this is the case, including my own personal experiences of engaging in such discussions (both online and in person) and the facts that I know that sometimes there’s a lack of understanding here that might lead to someone saying something that isn’t intended to cause harm but still manages to do so.

So as I developed the syllabus, I tried to think of ways to mitigate these issues. There are clauses on my syllabus about both inclusive language and class content, which I went over on the first day. And throughout the semester, I’ve given reminders when we were engaging with films that I knew might be especially challenging in terms of content. Sexual violence comes up in a few different documentaries that we’ve watched this semester, but it is most especially the focus of Audrie and Daisy and The Hunting Ground.

This is a MWF class, so I’ve structured it so that we generally have readings on Mondays that are about documentary form and/or about the content in the documentary for that given week. They watch the documentaries at home, and we discuss them in class on Wednesdays. I set it up this way for a few different reasons, but particularly because I didn’t want them going into the viewings cold or without context. I figured they would have better understandings of the films with some initial foundation and discussion. The week that they watched Audrie and Daisy, we read and discussed a short reading on consent. For a handful of the readings in the class, students have to write detailed response papers, and this was one of those readings. The students covered a lot of ground in their responses, but a common strain was that the reading made many of them realize how little they knew or had been taught about consent. This also came up in our class discussion of the reading, and as expected, helped to inform their understanding of the film. To my great relief, these discussions all went well.

Still, that success didn’t reduce or remove my anxiety going into this week, which is when we covered The Hunting Ground. As current college students, I imagined that this film might produce some different responses. So as we got closer to this week, I tried to think about how I could localize our pre-film discussion for them so that the reading that they had this week about rape culture might resonate more strongly. Then I remembered that my friend/fellow grad student/awesome teacher, Sam, wrote this a couple years ago when some less than welcoming signs were posted in our town and on campuses across the country: Lessons at BrOhio State, The piece is brief, about as funny as one can be about the given situation, confrontational, and to the point. Once I thought of it, I knew I had to use it. But then I also had the idea to invite Sam to the class to join in the conversation about her post, rape culture, etc.

On Monday, I had the students tease out their understandings of rape culture, and look for connections amongst the definitions. We then turned our attention to looking at several of those move in week signs and discussing what kind of environments they create, who has power in these situations, etc. And Sam specifically led them through some of the most salient points that she wanted to get across, both in her post and in general. (Sidenote: Sam and I teaching a class together is a little bit like a comedy routine with me as the straight man and Sam as the off-the-wall one I have to pull back from the edge).

And on Wednesday, when we discussed The Hunting Ground, it seemed pretty clear to me that my students not only understood the film, but they also had a good sense of the broader content and context. They also very clearly made connections back to issues that were raised when we watched Audrie and Daisy. And the terrible nightmare scenarios that I always imagined in a conversation about sexual violence? They didn’t happen (at least not this time around).

I don’t think the success of this is entirely predicated on how I’ve structured the class. My students are pretty great (I know I’m biased lol). That being said, I do think that this helped to make a challenging topic less challenging. I don’t think that this is going to stop be from being anxious about teaching certain topics/engaging challenging conversations in the classroom, but now I know for sure how fruitful embracing the challenge can be.